time

is it cruel to tell your boyfriend that you are not as close to him as your best friend because you have not spent as much time with him?

i said it to wayne once... i mean, i ACTed it out. that time i couldnt check my email, i asked winnie to check it for me (telling her my pwd) instead of asking wayne. it's not that i don't trust him or what, but i don't want to ask him when i have a choice of asking winnie. and frankly, i told him, it's because i've known winnie for much longer, it's only natural that i'd prefer her over him.

haha.. i'm stupid afterall... in truth, a friend that has known me for over 5 years is much more to me, compared to a boy whom i've known for only a year or so, however much i liked him. maybe i make things too clear, maybe i am too sensible in some way, but time is really important. the time that i've been close to winnie outlasted the time that i've been close to wayne. even in my heart, he could not have taken her place (not in a lesbo kind of way -_-;)

and he got jealous. yea, hahaha... be stupid, and disgust me. in the end i broke up with him, not because we're too far (ok that might be part of the reason), not because he's bad or anything... and it's not like i got bored of him... but i just don't like him THAT WAY anymore... i mean, i still liked him, but just as a person; as a person he's nice and all, and i think that's why i liked him. but i wont... love him, i guess; especially being asked to say 'i love you' numerous times on the phone when i din't love him at all... especially when he starts getting like... "die" <-- cantonese; as if... as if he means a lot to me, as if... as if we're really really close or something... when in reality, we're not. at least to me, not.

it takes me a lot of time to actually become close to a person; time to talk, time to spend with each other, daily; time to experience stuff with each other; time to understand each other. for me it takes years. like those years in good hope... not exactly the happiest moments, but i enjoyed the time i spent with my friends. it's the vast amount of time that i spent with my friends that make me actually feel close to them, and trust them. and also for them to become important people in my life. u can call me practical, u can call me mean; but if you hvnt spent enuf time with me, there's no way i'll put u above my friends.

or maybe, i just hvnt met the person that makes me so crazy about him/her that i'd totally ignore my friends and praise him/her as my god :P if one day i do, my life will be paced around that person... my life will totally be that-person-oriented... LOL, u think its possible? XD heh heh...

anyhow... i'm a time consuming person... tho it doesnt take a long time for me to LIKE a person (or hv crushes...), it takes really long for a person to actually mean something to me... heh =P like anyone cares.